5. The Stillborn Wish
After that, Yeju rolled around madly with the man for about another week. Without eating or sleeping, until—just as he had said—her v@ginal opening was completely stretched and loosened.
It was one day about two weeks later. Yeju's thin lower belly had swollen slightly, even though there was no lump inside.
"You've conceived my offspring."
The man noticed the visible change in Yeju first and grinned wide enough to tear his face.
---
Thud. The black wolf tossed a hunted reindeer before the woman lying with a belly swollen as large as a mountain.
"Eat."
Red blood trickled from the reindeer's neck, mangled by the wolf's sharp teeth. The reindeer's dead, dark eye, turned toward her, looked exactly like her own future.
Since being trapped in the cave, Yeju had survived by eating the food the man occasionally hunted and brought to her.
But in a place without fire or water, the only way to eat meat was raw.
Now she pinched her nose and forced it down, but for the first few days, just the sight of a dead animal carcass made her retch.
Because of that, the man would personally chew the flesh with loud crunches, then force her mouth open and shove it down to her throat.
Humans are creatures of habit. Yeju soon grew accustomed to the chewy taste of raw meat. If she thought of it as eating beef tartare, there was nothing she couldn't eat.
But eating raw at every meal was an unbearable ordeal. Yeju consumed only the bare minimum to stay alive.
Because of that, she transformed into a bizarre figure—limbs withered thin as if from starvation, with only her belly swollen as if about to burst.
"Going to starve yourself again? Should I force it down like last time?"
Perhaps frustrated by Yeju, who silently stared at the dead reindeer without answering, the black wolf growled ferociously.
Yeju had no choice but to laboriously raise her heavy body and approach the reindeer. Steam rose from the blood flowing over its body, as if it had been freshly caught.
In his own way of looking after her, the beast had gutted the reindeer outside the cave, removed all the innards and filth, and scraped off only the edible flesh into a neat pile.
But Yeju didn't particularly feel that it was consideration for her.
If he was going to be considerate, he could have brought the reindeer's head cut off too—but thoughts born from his skull apparently couldn't reach that far.
She slowly approached the dead reindeer and picked up a piece of meat soaked in red blood, bringing it to her lips.
The soft flesh was crushed between her teeth. Having eaten it so many times, she no longer noticed the gamey or fishy smell unique to raw meat.
Crunch, crack—
As she mechanically chewed and swallowed the reindeer's flesh, the man—now transformed into human form—approached and held out a bowl roughly carved from wood.
Inside was clean water.
"Drink."
Yeju silently took the bowl he offered and drank the water.
After eating a few more pieces of meat, she roughly wiped her blood-dripping hands on the reindeer's hide.
"I want to stop eating."
"Eat more."
"I don't want to eat what you bring."
Yeju, still glaring at the man with sharp eyes, repeated coldly.
At her refusal, the man's face momentarily took on a peculiar expression. But soon he shot back in a voice even colder than hers.
"I'm not bringing it for you—it's for my offspring inside your belly."
At the man's words, Yeju rose from her seat without a reply. She went to the bedding where her father's remains lay, clutched her large belly, and slowly lay down.
A blanket and mattress made from thick animal hides. She didn't know where he had gotten them, but it was bedding the man had brought and prepared for her.
Yeju pulled the blanket up to her neck and curled into herself. There was a campfire the man had lit, so the cave stayed fairly warm—yet strangely, a chill crept over her.
The black wolf, who had approached before she knew it, plopped down beside her and spoke bluntly.
"Don't lie down right after eating."
"I'm cold."
At her irrelevant answer, the man furrowed his brow. Just from that, he seemed so much like a person. Nagging her, getting irritated at her nonsensical remarks.
That was why, so many times, her heart had softened before him, and she kept finding herself leaning on him.
But she wouldn't be fooled anymore. Because the man had trampled her heart so many times, so mercilessly.
Meeting Yeju's gaze as she stared up at him, the man eventually sighed and lay down beside her.
"Come here."
The man lifted the cloth and reached out his hand. With a practiced motion, Yeju wriggled into his arms.
His firm chest met her cheek. Usually his body felt so cool it seemed to have no warmth at all—but when they coupled, or when she trembled from the cold, he grew warm like a person.
So no matter how often she resolved not to be fooled, whenever she was in his arms, a faint hope made her keep breathing in his scent.
She rubbed her cheek against his chest, buried her nose deep, and inhaled—yet she could feel nothing.
Then Yeju would despair again and say.
"I... hate you. I wish you would die."
Whenever she said that, the man would always retort nastily, "I don't exactly like you either."
But for some reason, today he was silent at her curse. Yeju burrowed deeper into his arms.
Cold...
No matter how she clung to his warm embrace, over and over. No matter how she took his large, hot member into her belly and held it. It was only momentary—the chill that had seized her body would not leave.
Suddenly she felt wretched. That was when it happened.
"Not 'you.' It's Ram."
"......"
"My name is Ram."
Because her cheek was against his chest, his voice seemed to travel from his heart.
It was the first time she had heard the man's name since being trapped here.
Yeju's eyes widened briefly. But that was all—she gave no answer in the end.
Already, the three months of her contract with the man were nearly up. Soon the contract would end, and she would take her father's remains and return home.
That was all. What his name was, she had neither interest in nor need to know.
Only the hope of returning home was the sole support keeping her from going mad.
The horror of having to bear the offspring of a demon-like beast and the hope of soon escaping this godforsaken place crossed within her.
Her head ached.
Yeju closed her eyes.
---
Yeju sat leaning against the cave wall, breathing in ragged, labored gasps. When she opened her eyes, the man was gone. The familiar chill rose over her body.
As she draped the blanket over her shoulders, she suddenly looked down at an alien sensation. The blanket no longer properly covered her belly, swollen as if about to burst.
Every time she desperately turned away from reality, yet whenever she was forced to face her body's state in unexpected moments like this, she fell into deep shock.
Dry heaves rose up.
"...Disgusting."
She muttered, struggling to draw breath. Her body—only her belly swollen like a mountain while her limbs stayed thin—didn't feel like her own.
She stared blankly at her belly, blue veins bulging here and there. The one small mercy was that no matter how long she watched, there was no movement at all.
It was not long after her belly had swollen. Because of the strange sensation of something constantly squirming inside, she had struck her belly with a rock several times before the man stopped her.
Since then, it had been quiet, without movement.
It was her first pregnancy, but she knew that a normal child would move in the womb.
Yet her belly remained calm even now, when birth was imminent.
"...It's dead, isn't it?"
Yeju raised a hand and stroked her rounded belly, whispering. Since there was no movement, perhaps it was already dead.
She had failed to miscarry because the man interfered, but a stillbirth should be fine. So that she wouldn't go mad after returning to Korea.
"You have to be born dead, baby."
She stroked her belly and whispered softly, over and over.
Faintly, the beast's words came back to her—that the offspring did not take root in the womb in any normal form—but she ignored them.
She was far too pushed to her limits to dwell on even that.
What mattered was that her belly was quiet. The child had to be stillborn.
That was the way for both herself and the child.
***
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